Had to Say

• In the car, driving home yesterday...
• Mama: Some day, your ears are going to be twice their current size and filled with hair...
• Papa: (pause)... Happy Birthday Papa...
• Mama: That's not a bad thing, it happens to very old men... (pause) So, if it happens to you...
• Papa: (pause)... You know, this is going on Facebook...

• Mama + Papa + Jedi: [singing + air guitar + Pandora.com] Savior, He can move the mountains. My God is mighty to save! He is mighty...
• Micah: Stop! It's so loud, I can't hear Caillou on TV!
• Papa: Seriously? Caillou over Hillsongs? Seriously, Micah?

Over the last 5 days, we have been under siege. We are being stalked. Our house is under constant surveillance. My children have been harassed and even physically threatened. I’ve called the police to tell them that we are practically being held hostage… by geese.

I hate geese. Hate. HATE. HATE! HATE!!! I HATE GEESE!!!

Unfortunately, Mama Goose and Papa Goose have returned to lay their eggs again… just like last year…

But this time, we weren’t going to be held hostage in our own home again.

On Thursday, while the kids were out in the front yard with the babysitter, one of these geese charged at Jedi (who is physically smaller than one of these geese). Micah yelled, “Jedi, RUN!” (Later, Micah would recall the story as… “The goose was going to eat Jedi!”) Fortunately, all of them made it safely back into the garage. Late on Friday, Cristine called me to say that they were back to scope out the mulch in front of our house. We scared it back with the garden hose, but not without a couple of charges against me as well. I was able to get up a small fence that seemed to hold them off. However, it wasn’t enough to deter them. On Saturday, I took the video at the top of this post.

Day and night, they have constantly kept watch. As well, little by little, I added various… elements… to our mulch area to make it “inhospitable” as suggested by DuPage Animal Control.

I have the sprinkler out there. I put up the flag. I put a garbage bag on my garden tiller (to simulate a swan). And, I put up that fence. Later, I added a radio on the inside of the downstairs window and started putting pieces of a plastic playhouse on the mulch. We also went to Menards today and bought a blue tarp and tent stakes…

Yet, even now (and I’m writing this at 2:15a), the geese are still keeping watch on our property. I’ve already banged on the window to try to scare one away who was trying to carve out some open space on the mulch. Fortunately, it flew away… just not away from my property.

Seriously, I legally cannot hurt it (intentionally or unintentionally). But, we can’t even walk through our property safely. I had to walk our babysitter around our neighbor’s house to get her to her car.

This MUST STOP! I can’t stand the constant radio! I can’t stand the constant staring! I can’t stand the constant harassment!

So earlier tonight, my wife said to take down the “scare-goose”. It’s not really scaring them.

I looked at her and said, “No. This is my call to battle. And we will win.” We will not be held hostage in our own home. The police can’t help. County animal control can’t help. I will defend our home and these geese SHALL NOT NEST on my land!

SHALL. NOT. NEST.

Oh… I hate geese.

• On the road, passing O'Hare Airport...
• Papa: Look! Airplane on Jedi's side!
• Jedi: Airplane! It going to Target!
• Micah: No, it's not. It's not going to Target. Target is THAT way...

Of course, the most interesting thing inside the my prized shipping box was not the 4 channel digital mixer I won through a webinar drawing last month. At least, not to the kids it wasn’t.

• Papa: Did you and Jedi just share your toys?
• Micah: Uh-huh.
• Papa: Awesome! So Micah, does SHARE and CARE rhyme?
• Micah: Uh-huh.
• Papa: So when you CARE then you...
• Micah: HAIR!

When my kids pray for their meal…

So, there’s a bunch of my friends on Facebook posting and sharing about mechanically separated chicken and how it’s served up at McDonalds and other fast food places. Seriously?

Source: http://docakilah.wordpress.com/2011/05/11/can-you-guess-what-mcdonald%E2%80%99s-food-item-this-is/

Looked too weird to be true, so I looked up “mechanically separated chicken”. Ummm…

Of course, Snopes.com had an interesting article with exactly the text my friends were sharing on Facebook. True sign of a scam, right? But you know, what’s really the deal with the pink stuff? Exaggerated, maybe. Gross, kinda. But worth taking seriously?

The end of the Snopes article has the video of the Jamie Oliver segment that shows, in a way kids (and people like me) can understand, what “mechanically separated chicken” is and how it’s made.

Admittedly, this video finally put me over the top. After watching this, I was so disgusted I’m now trying to figure out what in our house is made from mechanically separated chicken and separating it from my house. By the end of the night, they will all in the garbage…

… including my Vienna Sausage.

This is serious.

Jesus > Religion

• Micah: Do you think that when I get to Heaven, God will fix my owwie?
• Papa: In the Bible, it says that when you get to Heaven, you get a brand new body.
• Papa: So you will get a new hand.
• Micah: Will I get a different hand?
• Papa: Umm, a new hand... What kind of hand do you want?
• Micah: I want a green hand because green is my favorite color.

• Micah: No! No! No! No! No!
• Papa: What?
• Micah: Stop the belly shaking!

Haircuts for everyone! Happy New Year!

20111224_BautistaChristmas-42

• Mama: Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel, I made it out of clay.
• Mama: And when it's dry and ready, then dreidel I will play.
• Papa: How do you know Jewish songs, but not the lyrics to Christmas songs?
• Mama: Because I grew up in Northbrook! Where we got Jewish holidays off.
• Mama: Any other questions?